


forever meant nothing when we had nothing

by Hellokaelyn



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, Post 16x18
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 11:17:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20470154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellokaelyn/pseuds/Hellokaelyn
Summary: as he left his meeting with Jack, he found himself driving away from his own apartment and knocking on her door.





	forever meant nothing when we had nothing

**Author's Note:**

> For the anon on Tumblr, this was meant to turn out a different way so it's probably a bit messy.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this.  
  
He wasn't supposed to settle into one place, find people that became a family, let those same people past the walls he built up. Most of all, he wasn't supposed to grow feelings for his co-worker..his partner in most cases. In their line of work feelings could mean life or death.   
  
And that was the scary part.  
  
Because if he had to choose to live without her or let death come for him..he'd welcome death like an old friend. Life without Eleanor Bishop in it wasn't an option anymore. Not for him. She, without knowledge, had not just broke through his walls but crawled into his heart so deeply that some days he could practically feel it lodged within.   
  
Which is why when out of all the people it was her to ask if it was possible he could have hurt that girl, it was like a punch to the gut. And to make it worse she had made a joke out of it. He hadn't expected any outright sympathy or even an apology if he was being honest..just for her to say she didn't really believe he could have, all he wanted was a little faith in the fact that he wasn't a killer like he still saw himself as some days.   
  
Deep down he knew joking was her way to diffuse the tension and try to take his mind off of it, to make him smile. But the sharp pain of hurt had been too much, and for the first time he couldn't look at her. Not without her words repeating in his head, taunting him.   
  
It certainly didn't help that if he was being honest, he does believe he could have done it under the influence.   
  
He was a monster underneath, wasn't he?  
  
But as he left his meeting with Jack, he found himself driving away from his own apartment and knocking on her door.   
  
Because while it would sting, she had a right to know why he reacted like he had.   
  
"Nick?" Shock filled her tone, eyes a little wide as she stared at him."I- what're you doing here? Aren't you mad at me-"  
  
"Ellie just- shut up."  
  
Her jaw snapped shut at his words and slightly demanding tone.   
  
His heart jumped like always when he saw her even in her sweatpants, baggy t-shirt that had to be one of her brothers and hair a messy disaster sticking in all directions.   
  
"Honestly I don't wanna be here." He told her honestly. "I'm pissed and hurt- but you deserve to know why." She opened her mouth to speak but Nick put his hand up. "Ellie..I like you, actually more than that."  
  
"Ni-"  
  
"What did I just say?" Nick snapped, jaw clenching as the burning hot hurt returned.   
  
Ellie flinched back, the action making an ache go through him but he knew it was only because she was surprised.   
  
"All I wanted was for you to give some acknowledgement that you didn't think I could have actually done it." Nick let out a humorless laugh. "Instead I get a joke..a fucking joke! I'm hurt and angry at you because out of all people, it was you. Do you have any idea how it feels to know the person you have feelings for, strong feelings for, thinks there's a possibility even if under the influence, that you could have killed someone?"   
  
Ellie looked at him with sad eyes that were slightly watery as she shook her head.   
  
"I need some time." He said hoarsely. "Don't call me, don't text me unless it's work related..I need some distance."   
  
"Nick-" Her voice cracked, her fists clenching her shirt as she struggled not to reach out to him. "I don't-"  
  
"Please Ellie, just..not now." Nick swallowed roughly.   
  
He turned to leave but before he could completely turn away from her, her hand grabbed his arm forcefully. Nick barely faced her direction again when he felt it.  
  
Her lips touching his.   
  
A part of him, that hurt and angry part, wanted to push her away. Instead Nick found himself kissing her back a little roughly with force. It made Ellie stumble back into the doorway, her back hitting it in a way it would ache tomorrow but she showed no reaction. Nick's hand reached up to tangle in her hair, gripping it tight enough to make her gasp against him and enough to make sure she couldn't move completely away from him.   
  
Ellie's hands gripped his jacket, using it to pull his body against hers. Their moan and groan mixing as their bodies flushed together completely for the first time.   
  
When they pulled away to breathe, her hand traveled to rest on the side of his neck. Faces only inches apart, their breaths mixed as they breathed heavily.   
  
"I'm sorry." She whispered.   
  
Nick closed his eyes. "Me too."  
  
"For what?" Ellie did a little scoff. "I'm the one who screwed up Nick."  
  
Instead of answering, he gripped her face in his hands and kissed her again. Ellie's eyes fluttered closed, arms wrapping around his waist.   
  
Nick pulled away, stepping away from her.   
  
Neither of them said a word as he turned and walked away.  
  
Behind him Ellie swallowed the lump in her throat and leaned back against the doorway, fingers gently touching her lips in almost disbelief.   
  
Nick ran to his car, gripping the steering wheel tightly and resting his forehead against it. Kissing her hasn't been the plan at all, and now he knew he was in deep.  
  
She was addictive, a taste he was already craving to have again.  
  



End file.
